Pregnancy and Childbirth
Graphics: Sóley Ylja A. Bartsch
When I was younger, a teen, I remember telling friends I would one day have a big family. Now, after having two children, I can very confidently say that this is big enough. It is not because I don’t like children, but more so about the impact that having children has had on me. The honest truth is that I was not prepared for how life-changing the journey of getting pregnant, being pregnant, giving birth and the postpartum period of recovery was going to be. I thought I could share my experiences and the many new things I have learned on this journey so far.
Pre-Pregnancy
Infertility is something that had never even crossed my mind. I was in my early twenties, trying for my first baby, and month after month the pregnancy test kept coming back negative. In our school, in campaigns against underage pregnancies, we had always been taught that pregnancy can occur from that one time of unprotected sex, and it was repeated so often that this was the only fact ingrained in my mind. Unprotected sex meant immediate pregnancy. There was nothing in my education at school, or at home that taught me that the opposite could ever be true. After doing the most natural, but illogical, thing, googling my fears around being infertile, I eventually booked an appointment with my health centre to see a doctor. After a pretty lengthy chat with the doctor, I remember only one thing, that it can take longer than a year for a healthy couple to conceive a child and that this is completely normal. I was relieved to hear her reassuring words, and after some blood tests and vitamin recommendations, she sent me home. My blood tests were all within the normal range and I seemed to have no underlying health concerns. My doctor then sent me to a gynaecologist for a pelvic ultrasound, which also raised no red flags. I realise now, after two pregnancies, that I did not know my body back then, I knew nothing about ovulation or my menstrual cycle. I felt an unconscious pressure on my shoulders of needing to bear a child with the constant questions around me about when a baby was coming. These extremely dark and detrimental thoughts stem from years of systemic pressure put on women to feel only complete if they are mothers. It has been a great pleasure to unlearn these ideas and I felt much lighter when I was trying for my second baby. It was the combination of the right vitamins and knowing when I was ovulating that really helped me get pregnant the first time. I am not saying that it can be this easy for everyone and I am completely aware that I was lucky to have no real obstacles in the way of conceiving.
Pregnancy
So, I overcame the first hurdle of this journey. It was a difficult few months, but I was finally pregnant. Pregnancy is an experience out of this world. It is enlightening, nurturing and thoroughly nerve-wracking. This was the part that I knew the most about. I had been reading about being pregnant for a while now. I was very surprised when I had no morning sickness. Also, I was very surprised when my appetite became non-existent and I lived on cheerios, chicken nuggets and caramel popcorn. I quickly learned that peeing yourself was a thing and crying, from elevated hormones, was something we had to just live with. The ultrasounds always brought on mixed feelings. My anxiety would peak around check-ups and my own self-doubts did not help in these scenarios. There could always be heartbreaking news. Nevertheless, the nurses were the loveliest and kindest women I have ever met in my life. They never asked me the questions first, instead, they would get me to lay down and within a few minutes, we were hearing the heartbeat. Relief would surge through me and my anxiety would seep away with every beat that I would hear.
Giving Birth
Both my babies were born during the 36th week of pregnancy, literally days after I had packed my hospital bags each time. As pain-free and non-bothersome my pregnancies had been, my first labour was 27 hours long. I had no idea what to expect. At 36 weeks, in October, on a Wednesday morning at around 4 a.m., I felt the urge to use the toilet. About 30 minutes later, I had the same urge. There I was using the toilet every 30 minutes for two hours. At around 6 a.m. it clicked that maybe I was having contractions. By 8 a.m., the contractions were 10 minutes apart. I called the hospital to let them know that I was having contractions, and since I was not full-term, they invited me to come in for a physical exam. To cut a long story short my contractions stayed 4 minutes apart for 12 hours until I was in active labour the next day, on Thursday at around noon. As long as the labour was, it went by in the blink of an eye and then I was holding this little human in my arms.
Lessons Learned
Having had this first experience, it served as a lesson for things I would like to do differently the second time around and I think they would be great for mums-to-be to keep in mind as well.
The first thing that I did differently was to bring a birth plan, a very long and detailed one.
The second thing was to have someone assist me for my first bathroom visit after giving birth because previously I had fainted and banged my chin on the sink which was a totally unnecessary injury after just giving birth.
It is completely okay to make the area you are assigned in the postnatal ward a little more homely; for instance, by bringing things from home like photos, or blankets that soothe you and calm you.
Have as much skin to skin with the baby to form a strong bond.
I want to conclude by discussing the postpartum recovery period. My experience of pregnancy and labour is only one of many. There are on average 250 babies born every minute. Every one of those individuals giving birth has their own experience. However, I think we can all agree that parents, who have just been through a physical trauma of birth, need to rest and recover. They need to be able to spend time with their newborn in order to form a healthy and strong bond with them. They need emotional and mental support. Spend time loving yourself in the recovery stage, which can last as long as you want. Enjoy the first few months with your baby, because time does fly.