The Scarf that Glides on Cold Winds

Dear Iceland, 

I have never had the opportunity before to openly discuss my experiences as a Muslim woman living here. Particularly, as a Muslim woman who chooses to cover her head with a headscarf. I thought I would take this moment to have an honest conversation with myself, and you, about how life has been here since I moved from the UK eight years ago. 

The first and foremost memory that always jumps out is when I was shopping in Bonus buying groceries. It was  soon after I had arrived in Iceland. I was a starry-eyed newly-wedded 20 year old, who could not believe her luck. I was living by the ocean, with volcanic landscapes and mountains all around me. The air was fresh and the water pure. Getting back to the point, I was minding my own business,placing items in my cart, where an elderly lady tapped me on my shoulder and told me: ‘You look beautiful, and I am glad you are not one of those women who covers their faces’. I wasn’t exactly sure how to respond to this because it was a compliment, but it did not sit right with me. I said ‘thank you’ and went back to shopping, but shortly I realised that people were staring at me. Since then I always notice the constant stares. I have received numerous comments along those lines by peers, colleagues and strangers. To me these are backhanded compliments, where the Icelandic person is trying to validate me by giving me their approval. Sometimes I even wonder if they think I do not see myself as beautiful and whole. Do people around me think that I am lacking in some way because I have a piece of cloth on my head. I, by the grace of God, have never felt less or inferior as a Muslim woman. 

Although these comments are definitely less harmful to my mental health than the outright enraged and vicious ones, the occasional very public, vocal and angry comment ‘this is Iceland’ or ‘you can’t dress this way here’ causes hurt. I can’t imagine why a scarf that is on my head would bother someone else to the extent that they are enraged. The next day is always difficult, even though I am happy and content with my choice of wearing the headscarf, it is not nice to be publicly humiliated. I am practical,and reason with myself. I tell myself that this was a rare occasion and that it will most likely not happen again any time soon. I give the other person the benefit of doubt, they might just not know enough about Muslims and Islam so they have made this hurtful remark in their ignorance. I can also sympathise and understand that the scarf is foreign and what it symbolises is foreign. I am foreign and something you have no understanding of can be scary to face. 

I find that education around cultures and religions in Iceland is lacking. There have been staff members at government buildings that have addressed my headscarf as a ‘beanie’ or ‘that thing’ and then proceeded to dramatically circle their finger around their head to visually express what they are talking about. I call it a headscarf, in other languages the word changes. Popularly, Hijab which is what people believe the headscarf to be, is actually the concept of modesty for both men and women. Men have to practice Hijab as well. The occasional person has tried to debate me about my life choices and I have been told that values like modesty and in large my religion, Islam, do not belong in, and align with the values of the secular, civilised and feminist Iceland. I have had people throw at me some very heavy words like oppression, misogyny, hateful, backwards and violent. Yet I cannot relate to any of these words. I know it is a popular belief that Muslim women, like me, who express their modesty outwardly are oppressed by their religion but I would argue it is society around us that is oppressive. What is more feminist than a woman living her life as she pleases, but then why is my choice to live my life as I please undermined, questioned and twisted to somehow present it as a result of oppression. 

It is not all bad. The majority of people are respectful if not indifferent and show great kindness and tolerance. I might not be an Icelander by definition but Iceland is still home and I am grateful to be living here.