Raising awareness on Narcissism

Many people use the word “Narcissist” as a way to describe a self absorbed person, however, “Narcissism”, the disorder, is more than just being self-absorbed and egoistic. People who belong to this group can range from annoying to being a full blown danger to the emotional health of others and therefore it is good to have some awareness of this matter.

Photo: From Google – Creative Commons Licenses

Before I continue I would like to mention a small trigger warning: I’m just a journalist and even though I have a good understanding of this topic, I’m not a specialist. What I know comes from my personal readings and experiences and is not meant to put labels on anyone. For a more in depth understanding I recommend that you seek further knowledge by talking to professionals and reading academic articles. For easier access, I would also like to mention the YouTtube channel of Dr. Ramani who is an expert clinician on the subject of narcissism and can give way more details than this simplified article.  

The Narcissist personality disorder belongs to the group of “Cluster B” Personality disorders. This group is characterized by the inability of an individual to regulate their emotions and form long lasting relationships. 

The main aspect of Narcissism is that the people who suffer from the disorder tend to feel awkward, irritated or enraged when they are not the center of attention. For this reason, they usually develop emotionally manipulative tools in order to keep the attention on themselves, which often creates excessive drama in their personal life. You can imagine Narcissists to be cups without bottoms; where others can fill their emotional cup on their own and keep some aspects of their lives private, Narcissists have a cup without a bottom and can only temporarily fill it up with the reactions of others. It is important to note that Narcissists seek any kind of attention. Bad, angry, good or whatnot, it doesn’t matter. They just want to be talked about and to have the chance to show how superior they are. 

But how can you spot a Narcissist? Is anyone who is simply ego centric one of them? Well, no. There are a variety of ways to tell if one person belongs to this group or is just self assured. 

Number one: How do they approach you or other people?

Is there a person who always seems to have the most amazing stories at all times? Does this person also seem overly agreeable and have a way of turning every conversation back to themselves or take things a bit too personally? Then you might be dealing with a narcissist. In big groups they tend to try to keep the attention focused on themselves and when they don’t get enough attention they tend to lose interest very fast. In one-on-one conversations they either over-share about themselves or they share nothing and want to know every detail about your life (be careful of sharing these details because they will try to use everything against you if they feel like they have to). Generally, most healthy people will have a more natural way of approaching you and they will get closer to you slowly and gradually instead of trying to become your best friend and tell you all their secrets and dramas within the first or second week of meeting you.

Number two: Do you feel like you have to record stuff?

Do you have a friend or a lover with whom you feel as if what they say doesn’t add up? Do you feel like you have to record what you say in order to make sure you said it, because the other person can outright deny what happened? Do you feel like their actions don’t match their stories? Then you may be in the company of a Narcissist. Narcissists tend to be very cruel, deceiving and two faced after the “honeymoon” phase with them is over. They are going to be “too good to be true” at first and when you come closer they tend to show the very nasty side that they have. This side also contains manipulation. Which means that if a person always makes you unsure of yourself and your past actions, you should watch out: they may be narcissists. After all, if there is one thing that Narcissists hate is being wrong or proven to not be as good as they  present themselves to be. 

Number tThree: They cannot be happy with your success

If you see that after every happy event or success of yours a grumpy face or a smug remark awaits you then chances are that you are dealing with a Narcissist. Remember, Narcissists want to be the main character in everyone’s story and that means that your success gets in their way. If an event is not centered around them they become bored of it or look down upon it. So, if you have this one friend or partner who always seems bored or displeased with your progress, run away and never look back. 

But…Why?

Why are Narcissists like this and why do we need to know about it? Narcissists are generally conditioned to be like this from their upbringing. No one is born a Narcissist: they are created by their surroundings. Usually they come from parents who only love them or pay attention to them when they do something that makes the family look good to the others. As sad as this sounds, they refuse to acknowledge this trauma of theirs and are usually very harsh on others when they have been proven to lack empathy. There is also no known therapy for these people. 

Hence it is good to know about them because, especially with the rise of the media, their population tends to be rising and their manipulation tactics and mistreatment of others can lead to serious mental issues. It is also often that people who come close to them end up in abusive relationships that take years to break out of (and some never manage to do so). Therefore, if anyone has an inkling of doubt about whether or not they are in an emotionally abusive relationship, I would advise them to look deeper into the topic of Narcissism because these people can make you doubt even your own abusive situations.