Long-Distance Relationships in the 21st Century
Translation: Högna Sól Þorkelsdóttir
“Nothing is more Icelandic than being a woman in Iceland with a spouse on a years-long stint in Europe. It’s a tradition, not a long-distance relationship.”
Last fall, my spouse moved to Germany under the pretext of studying mathematics for two to three years. I’ve interpreted this as an opportunity to experience this unique tradition of Icelandic women and get to know the reality of my sisters in the only way possible, through life itself. It’s not a bed of roses, even though it seems charming at first - sitting at home over your cross stitching and staring dreamily out the window, waiting to be reunited with your love once again. On the contrary, long-distance relationships are a lot of work; everyone I know who has been in this situation can attest to that. It seems as though there are more and more people around me in this situation, and that’s why I thought it would be ideal to share my wealth of knowledge on long-distance relationships, in case something might be of relevance to the readers of the Student Paper. Enjoy!
Graphics / Margrét Aðalheiður Önnu Þorgeirsdóttir
Find a rhythm
What’s the best way for you two to communicate? One long video call a day, many short conversations over the phone, or something in between? Is there a time difference you need to take into account, and how will you tackle that? The most important thing in this situation is that both partners are content with the arrangement. If you see that something you’re doing now isn’t working, change it!
Make the most of your time
In today’s society, it’s normal to be constantly busy. That’s why it can be difficult to always stick to the time you and your partner have set aside to speak every day, and that’s why it’s good to make the most of your time. Call when you’re on the bus, walking to the store, or during your lunch break at work. Make time and space for each other.
Don’t forget dates
It’s absolutely possible to go on a date online, for example by ordering some good take-out and opening bottles of wine in separate countries, but eating together. Or putting on a face mask and having a night of pampering, watching movies or series through an app, or playing online games. The Chrome extension TeleParty lets people watch Hulu, Netflix, Disney+, or HBO together, and I really recommend finding a series to watch together. One episode of Gilmore Girls before bed with your partner on a video call in a different tab isn’t quite the same as cuddling in front of the TV, but it’s nice to finish off the day together.
Know when you’re meeting up next
It does wonders to know exactly when you will see your partner again. Then you can count down the days and have something to look forward to, and even though the exact date might change a bit, at least you’re not just floating aimlessly in long-distance relationship land. This is something COVID has made very difficult, but this is one of the most important things you can do, in my opinion.
Allow yourself to be silly together
There’s nothing that a long-distance couple deserves more for all their hard work and endurance than to let themselves be a silly and cliché couple in peace. Look at pictures of each other and choose a cute one be your lock screen. Have a painting made to hang up or print pictures for the same purpose. Buy long-distance relationship bracelets that vibrate when the other person touches theirs, to let each other know you’re thinking of the other person. In the end, it doesn’t matter how, just do something that reminds you why this is all worth it.
This too shall pass
In the vast majority of cases, long-distance relationships are a temporary solution. Try to remember that this too shall pass, and you and your partner will be together in the same country before you know it. And that’s all you need.